I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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