when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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