You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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