He had one of those small greek statue penises
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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