Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
