Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My vagina is officially offended.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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