I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
