I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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