Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
