Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
