I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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