If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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