If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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