Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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