when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Help. Why am I so naked?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
