theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
