He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
