i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
