You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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