Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
