dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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