Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
