i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
