You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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