so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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