some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Randomize
