your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
