I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
