you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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