yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
