I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
