Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
