My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
