i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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