Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
