Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
