Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
