so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
