Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
