I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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