I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
