Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
