he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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