I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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