8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
