NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
