Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
