Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize