It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
