Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
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You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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