i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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