The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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