I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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