I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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