and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
