Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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