I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
