I just saw a hot homeless man
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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