I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As shirtless as possible
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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