me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
